Thursday, October 21, 2010
Monday, June 28, 2010
A Man for Others
Introduction
I learned how to view my own needs as secondary. Whether it was sharing toys with kids who didn’t even like me as a child or donating time and effort to populations of people who thought of me as a square, a romantic fool, etc., I learned how to work against my best interests.
As a result, I am an overeducated, unemployed man with no prospects. I take antidepressants for a dysthymia, chronic depression. This condition is unlike classical depression. It differs because depression usually has a normal emotional base line. In other words there is a normal emotional high point. A dysthymic does not have those normal emotional high points. So, I have to make proper life decisions for two reasons. One reason is material, and the other is psychological.
My intent is to offer a sincere picture of how I learned to work against my best interests. I learned how to become an overeducated, unemployed man with no prospects. The economy really didn’t do this to me. I was headed in that direction. Perhaps the reader may find some useful information in this blog entry. Then again, maybe the reader may not. However I need to reveal this because it has taken me over 30 years of my life before I could finally understand how I became the man I am today.
Share with your ‘friends’
When I family moved to Detroit in 1974, I was 5 years old. I was very excited about moving to Detroit. I lived in Ann Arbor from 6 months of age until age 5. I never really liked Ann Arbor. It was an openly racist city that taught Black children that they were inherently dumb and couldn’t be taught things like standard American English. I went to a Methodist nursery school, Huron Hills Nursery School. My teaching Ms. Twinning always thought that I was developmentally delayed because I couldn’t draw or color. I could read and write, something the other kids couldn’t do. But since I was a little Black boy, and she was born and bred in Jim Crow America, this didn’t have merit. Yet, I had to play peacefully with these little racist kids. I’d get called ‘nigger’ and they wouldn’t get disciplined. If I retaliated, then I’d get written or isolated. Needless to say, I was excited about leaving that place.
July of 1974 brought about some drastic changes and harsher lessons. Because my dad was a doctor and had his own practice, I soon learned that I was too ‘White’ for the Black kids. I didn’t realize that I had an Ann Arbor brogue. Since I was a big kid for my age and had no older brothers or sisters who would fight for me, I took plenty of abuse from kids my own age and their older brothers and sisters. The problem is that I had to befriend these kids. My mother would treat those kids like they really were friendly with me. Once I learned how to defend myself, I earned respect from my peers. This was something that I could never get in Ann Arbor. So when my mom would feed my friends, I would feel annoyed because I remembered when I couldn’t get passed them to get to and from school, but I learned to overlook that. I don’t regret learning how to forgive my brothers and sisters. I needed to learn that lesson early.
By the summer of 1980, I would be sent to the lion’s den once again, a Huron Hills Nursery School gone viral. The school was the University of Detroit Jesuit High School and Academy.
Men for Others
This subtitle is the slogan for U of D Jesuit High School and Academy. The school was founded during the reconstruction era. It is an excellent academic middle and high school. I wouldn’t recommend sending artistically inclined children there. It’s a culturally conservative school. It’s a politically conservative school. So individual opinions and forms of expression will be summarily suppressed, particularly if they don’t fit the political and cultural mold. I had to learn how to place my musical interests, aptitudes, and skills that I had just learned I had aside to keep up with the academic rigor. I spent a lot of time fighting against the pecking order too. I wasn’t used to being bullied anymore. Once I learned how to defend myself in public school, I couldn’t go back to being picked on, especially if the older kids were wimps themselves for the most part.
While my parents were right when they noticed that Detroit Public Schools lacked academic rigor, they taught you who you were and that’s the root of wisdom. It was hard to sell that to parents between 1980 and 1987 though. Black boys were killing each other over shoes, coats, pocket money, etc. So, U of D Jesuit High School and Academy was an easy sell at that time. Order and academic development will always win over bullets. Nevertheless, I was doing well in my studies, but I was failing myself though. I learned how to do public service work and volunteerism. We learned that it was the ‘Christ-like’ way to give to the less fortunate. The problem was that I didn’t realize that I was psychologically underdeveloped. So, I was giving time, tithe, and talent to causes that I needed to donate to myself. I had a friend of mine who went to U of D Jesuit High with me from 7th grade to 10th grade. He transferred to Mumford High School down the street and flourished there. He met his wife there, played his favorite sports and improved his GPA. This was during the same era where kids were being shot over shoes, coats, etc. I have a lifelong buddy of mine who grew up right across the street from me who went to Mumford High School and is now a political staff writer for the Detroit News and Free Press. So, who says that you can’t learn to read or write in Detroit Public Schools? Both of my friends had pretty well balanced high school lives also. They didn’t volunteer money and time to causes. They volunteered their time to being teenagers.
By the time I graduated from high school, my GPA was about a 3.3. At U of D Jesuit, it didn’t look that great. My friends that went to public high school used to say that it would have been a 3.7 or greater had I gone to a public high school. The bottom line is that I didn’t. So, I worked that hard just to be a little above average, and I had to sacrifice my music aptitude in the process.
I taught for 15 years. I taught elementary, high school, and college students in that time. The students that seemed to excel in life were those students who enjoyed personal and academic success. I didn’t have that. I was working most of the time at excelling at school. I learned how to be involved in various activities but I didn’t learn to develop myself personally. So, I was always finding causes and/or jobs in which I would work hard but be compensated very little. I never knew what it was like to be paid what I was worth. I was always an ‘expendable.’ It didn’t matter that I was always a B-student and that I earned my B.A. in 2 years and my M.A. in 1 year. I was in a recession when times were ‘good.’
I learned how to work hard at being mediocre. I learned how to suppress my gifts and talents in order to fit in. There is no place for a mediocre person, except at the end of the unemployment line. That’s the only place where mediocre people can fit in.
I learned how to view my own needs as secondary. Whether it was sharing toys with kids who didn’t even like me as a child or donating time and effort to populations of people who thought of me as a square, a romantic fool, etc., I learned how to work against my best interests.
As a result, I am an overeducated, unemployed man with no prospects. I take antidepressants for a dysthymia, chronic depression. This condition is unlike classical depression. It differs because depression usually has a normal emotional base line. In other words there is a normal emotional high point. A dysthymic does not have those normal emotional high points. So, I have to make proper life decisions for two reasons. One reason is material, and the other is psychological.
My intent is to offer a sincere picture of how I learned to work against my best interests. I learned how to become an overeducated, unemployed man with no prospects. The economy really didn’t do this to me. I was headed in that direction. Perhaps the reader may find some useful information in this blog entry. Then again, maybe the reader may not. However I need to reveal this because it has taken me over 30 years of my life before I could finally understand how I became the man I am today.
Share with your ‘friends’
When I family moved to Detroit in 1974, I was 5 years old. I was very excited about moving to Detroit. I lived in Ann Arbor from 6 months of age until age 5. I never really liked Ann Arbor. It was an openly racist city that taught Black children that they were inherently dumb and couldn’t be taught things like standard American English. I went to a Methodist nursery school, Huron Hills Nursery School. My teaching Ms. Twinning always thought that I was developmentally delayed because I couldn’t draw or color. I could read and write, something the other kids couldn’t do. But since I was a little Black boy, and she was born and bred in Jim Crow America, this didn’t have merit. Yet, I had to play peacefully with these little racist kids. I’d get called ‘nigger’ and they wouldn’t get disciplined. If I retaliated, then I’d get written or isolated. Needless to say, I was excited about leaving that place.
July of 1974 brought about some drastic changes and harsher lessons. Because my dad was a doctor and had his own practice, I soon learned that I was too ‘White’ for the Black kids. I didn’t realize that I had an Ann Arbor brogue. Since I was a big kid for my age and had no older brothers or sisters who would fight for me, I took plenty of abuse from kids my own age and their older brothers and sisters. The problem is that I had to befriend these kids. My mother would treat those kids like they really were friendly with me. Once I learned how to defend myself, I earned respect from my peers. This was something that I could never get in Ann Arbor. So when my mom would feed my friends, I would feel annoyed because I remembered when I couldn’t get passed them to get to and from school, but I learned to overlook that. I don’t regret learning how to forgive my brothers and sisters. I needed to learn that lesson early.
By the summer of 1980, I would be sent to the lion’s den once again, a Huron Hills Nursery School gone viral. The school was the University of Detroit Jesuit High School and Academy.
Men for Others
This subtitle is the slogan for U of D Jesuit High School and Academy. The school was founded during the reconstruction era. It is an excellent academic middle and high school. I wouldn’t recommend sending artistically inclined children there. It’s a culturally conservative school. It’s a politically conservative school. So individual opinions and forms of expression will be summarily suppressed, particularly if they don’t fit the political and cultural mold. I had to learn how to place my musical interests, aptitudes, and skills that I had just learned I had aside to keep up with the academic rigor. I spent a lot of time fighting against the pecking order too. I wasn’t used to being bullied anymore. Once I learned how to defend myself in public school, I couldn’t go back to being picked on, especially if the older kids were wimps themselves for the most part.
While my parents were right when they noticed that Detroit Public Schools lacked academic rigor, they taught you who you were and that’s the root of wisdom. It was hard to sell that to parents between 1980 and 1987 though. Black boys were killing each other over shoes, coats, pocket money, etc. So, U of D Jesuit High School and Academy was an easy sell at that time. Order and academic development will always win over bullets. Nevertheless, I was doing well in my studies, but I was failing myself though. I learned how to do public service work and volunteerism. We learned that it was the ‘Christ-like’ way to give to the less fortunate. The problem was that I didn’t realize that I was psychologically underdeveloped. So, I was giving time, tithe, and talent to causes that I needed to donate to myself. I had a friend of mine who went to U of D Jesuit High with me from 7th grade to 10th grade. He transferred to Mumford High School down the street and flourished there. He met his wife there, played his favorite sports and improved his GPA. This was during the same era where kids were being shot over shoes, coats, etc. I have a lifelong buddy of mine who grew up right across the street from me who went to Mumford High School and is now a political staff writer for the Detroit News and Free Press. So, who says that you can’t learn to read or write in Detroit Public Schools? Both of my friends had pretty well balanced high school lives also. They didn’t volunteer money and time to causes. They volunteered their time to being teenagers.
By the time I graduated from high school, my GPA was about a 3.3. At U of D Jesuit, it didn’t look that great. My friends that went to public high school used to say that it would have been a 3.7 or greater had I gone to a public high school. The bottom line is that I didn’t. So, I worked that hard just to be a little above average, and I had to sacrifice my music aptitude in the process.
I taught for 15 years. I taught elementary, high school, and college students in that time. The students that seemed to excel in life were those students who enjoyed personal and academic success. I didn’t have that. I was working most of the time at excelling at school. I learned how to be involved in various activities but I didn’t learn to develop myself personally. So, I was always finding causes and/or jobs in which I would work hard but be compensated very little. I never knew what it was like to be paid what I was worth. I was always an ‘expendable.’ It didn’t matter that I was always a B-student and that I earned my B.A. in 2 years and my M.A. in 1 year. I was in a recession when times were ‘good.’
I learned how to work hard at being mediocre. I learned how to suppress my gifts and talents in order to fit in. There is no place for a mediocre person, except at the end of the unemployment line. That’s the only place where mediocre people can fit in.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
The Root of All Evil
I read somewhere that money is the root of all evil. There is a certain truth to that, but I think that any resource that is used as either a means to punish and/or to reward one for specific behavior(s) can be classified that way too. You could replace money with food, love, sex, etc. and I believe that you could reach the same conclusion.
Since I chose money, I'll stick with it. Money was always a behavior modification tool in my family. Money was used to manipulate us to follow certain paths in life. If we didn't follow that path, then it would either be withheld or we'd be made to feel guilty about not following that path.
Because of this, I never learned how to view money as a resource. It was never something that was a conveyance. It was either a reward or a punishment. As a result, I never could successfully earn it to sufficient degree that I could support myself. Because I was codependent and still am, I never had the confidence that it took in order to use my mind to use it that way. I was always afraid that I'd fail at it. I often did fail. I struggle to this day with this. I feel relieved that I'm aware of this viewpoint, and I'm beginning to change my view of money. Hopefully, I'll improve my ability to find the financial resources to accomplish what I need to in the future to the point that I'll be able to support myself.
Since I chose money, I'll stick with it. Money was always a behavior modification tool in my family. Money was used to manipulate us to follow certain paths in life. If we didn't follow that path, then it would either be withheld or we'd be made to feel guilty about not following that path.
Because of this, I never learned how to view money as a resource. It was never something that was a conveyance. It was either a reward or a punishment. As a result, I never could successfully earn it to sufficient degree that I could support myself. Because I was codependent and still am, I never had the confidence that it took in order to use my mind to use it that way. I was always afraid that I'd fail at it. I often did fail. I struggle to this day with this. I feel relieved that I'm aware of this viewpoint, and I'm beginning to change my view of money. Hopefully, I'll improve my ability to find the financial resources to accomplish what I need to in the future to the point that I'll be able to support myself.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
My Own Liberation Struggle
When I awakened this morning, I had one of my rare moments of clarity. I finally realized after over 20 years of misguided attempts at living a truly independent life that which drove me to do the things that I have done.
I taught school for 15 years, but never could earn enough to take care of myself without my dad's help. I taught political science and history at a 4 year college and at 2 community colleges for over 5 years with the same result. I never could earn enough to take care of myself without my dad's help.
It finally dawned on me why I was drawn to history and politics as a discipline. I never really liked them as such, and I never really excelled at them, but I worked hard and I rarely rested when studying those disciplines. I was drawn to freedom struggle. Why? I felt like a colonized country within my own family.
As a child, I never felt like I fully 'fit' in within the unit. I am sensitive, romantic, and love the arts. My family was led by my father who was a neurosurgeon and a clinical neurologist. My mother who really led the family behind the scenes was a teacher and a homemaker. While art and music was something to be enjoyed, it was never something to be taken seriously as a profession. This is only the tip of the iceberg of my identity crisis.
As I grew up, I was a cub scout, a first-chair trumpeter in my grade school band, a lousy PAL league football player, a gifted pianist, a Jack and Jiller, etc. I was exposed to a lot of things, but I never was allowed to focus on excelling at any one thing to really grow to have confidence in it. So, as a result, I never grew to be confident in my own ideas.
When my parents took me to see Dr. Ivan Van Sertima and Dr. John H. Clarke at Mayflower Church in Detroit, I was amazed. They were talking about liberation, although they professionally worked in the middle class professions of historians. So, I grew to be interested in what and how they interpreted history.
My family thought I liked history, and I believed them so I pursued it in college and even got a master's degree in international studies. I haven't been able to earn a living in either area. After decades of dysthymia, medication, therapy, journaling, and frustrated attempts at a multitude of things, I finally learned why, at nearly 41 years of age and after losing a career (and I use that word very loosely) and a domicile (an apartment), I pursued this. I needed freedom from my family.
My father was generous but controlling. My mother is controlling. They both believed in conditions. They would love and support under the condition that we did what they insisted. This meant that we had to do things that would not embarrass them. Life as a musician, would be embarrassing to them. Most of the musicians that they knew were music teachers, not musicians. The musicians that they were acquainted with were troubled and never seemed to be able to support themselves, so if I were to remain in their good graces, then I would have to pursue what they thought was right.
In this broken economy, educators are essentially worthless. Colleges keep advertising that there is a 'demand' for them, but they are being laid off and fired all over the country and particularly so in my hometown. Ironically, when times were better, I couldn't make a living in it. The profession was saturated with frustrated lawyers, etc. who were and are taking up spaces in colleges, universities, etc. Yet, my family kept encouraging me to stay the course. Let me return to my home life and how I learned to be dependent.
My dad controlled the money. He would give liberally, but he wouldn't really teach you or guide in how to manage it. When he died a couple of years ago, he left no will and left a lot of debts and other financial problems that we didn't know about. In such an environment, it's no wonder that I was drawn to freedom and liberation struggle. It is also no wonder that I never learned to free myself. I'm still working on it though. I thought about it today and my dad was like our 'world bank.' He'd loan us or grant us money without training us in what to do with it. So we'd have to always come back. He believed that if his kids were dependent on him then they would love him. We loved him and miss him desperately. I guess when you lose your mother and father to illness within a month of each other at 6 years old that you always fear being abandoned again.
Ironically, he abandoned us in the end. At the same time, I noticed that my brother and I were always called 'the boys,' long after we were adults. In his house he was The Man. Before he died and was sick with Parkinson's, high blood pressure, etc., I would tell people that I was going over to see The Man. That was my nickname for my dad. He was The Man. He came through on the clutch more times than Isaiah Thomas, Jerry West, Terry Bradshaw, Bruce Lee, Muhammad Ali, Jackie Chan, and any other hero I ever heard of.
My wish was to learn how to be a man like that. I wish that he could have taught me. This is why I spent so much time with him. I worked at his office, not because I wanted to be a doctor. I never could figure out science and math that easily. My sister could, but she became a lawyer, another psychological study in itself. I just like being around him and wanted to learn how he did it. I saw how he did hit, but I really needed to learn how to become my own version of him. I still haven't figured that out. My goal is to figure this out before my brain or some other vital organ gives out. I don't know how much longer I have. Black men don't as a rule live that long here in the United States. Those of us who do lead compromised lives either materially or psychologically. Unfortunately, I'm compromised materially and psychologically. Since I've never been good at finding financial resources, I've focused on trying to untie the knots in my dysthymic mind. I've composed a free verse poem called, My Hands, that may give the reader some insight about my own personal struggle that co-exists within my life's struggle that co-exists within the struggle that African people worldwide have.
"I always struggled with knots, physical ones. As I've aged, I've grown more patient and can untie them better than I used to. My hands would fight against each other, left against right, like two stair-stepped brothers who never learned and never were taught how to work together. With medication, therapy, insight-training, my hands now work together a lot better. Ironically they play music together well and they don't fight, but when there's a conflict like a knot, they fight. Because of it, the knot, the dumb, simple, mixed-up knot, just sits there and does nothing. Ultimately the knot wins because the hands work hard to lose the battle by fighting against each other, logic and reason against creativity. Two brothers born of the same brain, connected by common neurons and tissues but fight because they have different approaches to the same thing. Liberal vs Conservative, neither of them is free, but each think the other has the best idea and strategy. The orthodox vs the avante-garde, both have value and have a need to express, exist, and to co-exist, but they fight. Just like my hands."
Between the bizarre nightmares, the mild hallucinations that come from this medicine and the stress of underemployment, unemployment, co-dependency, racism, Black internal color prejudice and self-hate, family dysfunction and other classic features of Black Urban American life, I do get moments of insight and clarity. I've been afraid up to this point to articulate these things, but I need to write them down while I'm able to.
I have deemed it vital to reinforce the fact that co-dependency is a key theme. If you want your kids to be around you when you get old and infirm, one effective way is to keep them dependent on you for advice, money, psychological reinforcement, etc. The best way to do this is to never train them properly. Never teach them to trust themselves, their intellect, creativity, insight, etc. This way they will need you, and even if you spend all the money and leave nothing but problems behind, they will take care you and your problems. You won't be happy nor at peace, but no one else will either.
While I'm not finished with this, there is a moral to all of this. If you don't face your own imperialist demons that exist within you, then you have absolutely no chance of ever becoming truly free.
I taught school for 15 years, but never could earn enough to take care of myself without my dad's help. I taught political science and history at a 4 year college and at 2 community colleges for over 5 years with the same result. I never could earn enough to take care of myself without my dad's help.
It finally dawned on me why I was drawn to history and politics as a discipline. I never really liked them as such, and I never really excelled at them, but I worked hard and I rarely rested when studying those disciplines. I was drawn to freedom struggle. Why? I felt like a colonized country within my own family.
As a child, I never felt like I fully 'fit' in within the unit. I am sensitive, romantic, and love the arts. My family was led by my father who was a neurosurgeon and a clinical neurologist. My mother who really led the family behind the scenes was a teacher and a homemaker. While art and music was something to be enjoyed, it was never something to be taken seriously as a profession. This is only the tip of the iceberg of my identity crisis.
As I grew up, I was a cub scout, a first-chair trumpeter in my grade school band, a lousy PAL league football player, a gifted pianist, a Jack and Jiller, etc. I was exposed to a lot of things, but I never was allowed to focus on excelling at any one thing to really grow to have confidence in it. So, as a result, I never grew to be confident in my own ideas.
When my parents took me to see Dr. Ivan Van Sertima and Dr. John H. Clarke at Mayflower Church in Detroit, I was amazed. They were talking about liberation, although they professionally worked in the middle class professions of historians. So, I grew to be interested in what and how they interpreted history.
My family thought I liked history, and I believed them so I pursued it in college and even got a master's degree in international studies. I haven't been able to earn a living in either area. After decades of dysthymia, medication, therapy, journaling, and frustrated attempts at a multitude of things, I finally learned why, at nearly 41 years of age and after losing a career (and I use that word very loosely) and a domicile (an apartment), I pursued this. I needed freedom from my family.
My father was generous but controlling. My mother is controlling. They both believed in conditions. They would love and support under the condition that we did what they insisted. This meant that we had to do things that would not embarrass them. Life as a musician, would be embarrassing to them. Most of the musicians that they knew were music teachers, not musicians. The musicians that they were acquainted with were troubled and never seemed to be able to support themselves, so if I were to remain in their good graces, then I would have to pursue what they thought was right.
In this broken economy, educators are essentially worthless. Colleges keep advertising that there is a 'demand' for them, but they are being laid off and fired all over the country and particularly so in my hometown. Ironically, when times were better, I couldn't make a living in it. The profession was saturated with frustrated lawyers, etc. who were and are taking up spaces in colleges, universities, etc. Yet, my family kept encouraging me to stay the course. Let me return to my home life and how I learned to be dependent.
My dad controlled the money. He would give liberally, but he wouldn't really teach you or guide in how to manage it. When he died a couple of years ago, he left no will and left a lot of debts and other financial problems that we didn't know about. In such an environment, it's no wonder that I was drawn to freedom and liberation struggle. It is also no wonder that I never learned to free myself. I'm still working on it though. I thought about it today and my dad was like our 'world bank.' He'd loan us or grant us money without training us in what to do with it. So we'd have to always come back. He believed that if his kids were dependent on him then they would love him. We loved him and miss him desperately. I guess when you lose your mother and father to illness within a month of each other at 6 years old that you always fear being abandoned again.
Ironically, he abandoned us in the end. At the same time, I noticed that my brother and I were always called 'the boys,' long after we were adults. In his house he was The Man. Before he died and was sick with Parkinson's, high blood pressure, etc., I would tell people that I was going over to see The Man. That was my nickname for my dad. He was The Man. He came through on the clutch more times than Isaiah Thomas, Jerry West, Terry Bradshaw, Bruce Lee, Muhammad Ali, Jackie Chan, and any other hero I ever heard of.
My wish was to learn how to be a man like that. I wish that he could have taught me. This is why I spent so much time with him. I worked at his office, not because I wanted to be a doctor. I never could figure out science and math that easily. My sister could, but she became a lawyer, another psychological study in itself. I just like being around him and wanted to learn how he did it. I saw how he did hit, but I really needed to learn how to become my own version of him. I still haven't figured that out. My goal is to figure this out before my brain or some other vital organ gives out. I don't know how much longer I have. Black men don't as a rule live that long here in the United States. Those of us who do lead compromised lives either materially or psychologically. Unfortunately, I'm compromised materially and psychologically. Since I've never been good at finding financial resources, I've focused on trying to untie the knots in my dysthymic mind. I've composed a free verse poem called, My Hands, that may give the reader some insight about my own personal struggle that co-exists within my life's struggle that co-exists within the struggle that African people worldwide have.
"I always struggled with knots, physical ones. As I've aged, I've grown more patient and can untie them better than I used to. My hands would fight against each other, left against right, like two stair-stepped brothers who never learned and never were taught how to work together. With medication, therapy, insight-training, my hands now work together a lot better. Ironically they play music together well and they don't fight, but when there's a conflict like a knot, they fight. Because of it, the knot, the dumb, simple, mixed-up knot, just sits there and does nothing. Ultimately the knot wins because the hands work hard to lose the battle by fighting against each other, logic and reason against creativity. Two brothers born of the same brain, connected by common neurons and tissues but fight because they have different approaches to the same thing. Liberal vs Conservative, neither of them is free, but each think the other has the best idea and strategy. The orthodox vs the avante-garde, both have value and have a need to express, exist, and to co-exist, but they fight. Just like my hands."
Between the bizarre nightmares, the mild hallucinations that come from this medicine and the stress of underemployment, unemployment, co-dependency, racism, Black internal color prejudice and self-hate, family dysfunction and other classic features of Black Urban American life, I do get moments of insight and clarity. I've been afraid up to this point to articulate these things, but I need to write them down while I'm able to.
I have deemed it vital to reinforce the fact that co-dependency is a key theme. If you want your kids to be around you when you get old and infirm, one effective way is to keep them dependent on you for advice, money, psychological reinforcement, etc. The best way to do this is to never train them properly. Never teach them to trust themselves, their intellect, creativity, insight, etc. This way they will need you, and even if you spend all the money and leave nothing but problems behind, they will take care you and your problems. You won't be happy nor at peace, but no one else will either.
While I'm not finished with this, there is a moral to all of this. If you don't face your own imperialist demons that exist within you, then you have absolutely no chance of ever becoming truly free.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Good Students Need Good Products
http://astore.amazon.com/mywecast02-20
This link will take you to my own personal corner of Amazon.com. Here you will be able to purchase college preparation books for the ACT and SAT tests, outline series books on various high school subjects, graphing calculators, printers, and other school supplies. Although it's summer time, the best time to prepare is during the off season. Visit my corner of Amazon.com and help your favorite high school student to prepare.
This link will take you to my own personal corner of Amazon.com. Here you will be able to purchase college preparation books for the ACT and SAT tests, outline series books on various high school subjects, graphing calculators, printers, and other school supplies. Although it's summer time, the best time to prepare is during the off season. Visit my corner of Amazon.com and help your favorite high school student to prepare.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
From Fat to Firm: Life from 2007 to the Present
My fitness life began a new after the death of my father in 2008. I was 270 lbs, 5′10", and depressed as of December of 2007. I began shooting baskets because it was one of the few things that can truly occupy my mind and help me to elevate my mood. Within months, I began losing weight and getting into shape. I had gone from 260 lbs. to 180 lbs. from 2003 to 2006. Medication for depression and taking care of my father (who suffered from Parkinson’s Disease) along with improper eating caused my weight to balloon. This occurred between mid-2006 and mid 2007. An awful job, with terrible administrators, poor compensation, stress, began to take their toll.
However, from September of 2007 until the present I have been training, using plyometrics and resistance training and I shoot baskets, playing pick-up games whenever I can. Despite, job loss and eviction, I have continued. While my job searches have been fruitless, I have continued to take care of my health, and I have not abandoned my goal of dunking a basketball from a vertical jump. I’ve combed the Internet for articles and workout tips and exercise regimes for improving my vertical jump. I purchased two products from Lifeline USA that have helped me to improve my body and my vertical jump. I exercised daily, and in December of 2009 I began using The Jump Manual training method by Jacob Hiller and Dr. Larry Van Such’s Isometric training method called Jump Higher with Isometric Training. In the interim, I’ve relocated to the state of Maryland and was formerly a resident of the state of Michigan. Between the resistance systems I purchased from Lifeline USA, Bell Sporting Goods, and the two manuals, (along with training, reasonable eating, supplementation, and rest), my body has grown stronger, leaner, and I’m able to jump higher. I’ve even learned how to perform knee jumps and can now perform a knee jump onto a 5 inch medicine ball. With each day, I feel greater motivation to exercise. I’d hoped to reach my goal by the summer of 2008, to celebrate my 40th birthday, but when I started I couldn’t jump 4 inches from the floor. Today, I can, from a standing position jump and reach the middle of the net on a regulation basket. With a couple of steps, I can almost reach the rim.
Since I moved here to Maryland, I began resistance training including simulated weightlifting and dumbbell exercises along with sit-ups, leg lifts, and crunches. I feel and look stronger without bulking up. I have always been able to gain weight, whether from exercise or from merely eating too much of the wrong things. I was 190 lbs when I arrived here, and I think that I’ve gained 20 lbs. since then. I’m not upset though because all of my slacks and jeans fit me just as they had when I arrived. When I started losing weight, my waist size was about 50 and as I’m writing, I am wearing a pair of 38 jeans comfortably, with a bulky sweatshirt tucked into them. So, I feel great. I’ve also found a new love and a new job.
Honestly, I don’t know if I’ll ever dunk that basketball or not, but I feel that because I’ve overcome as much as I have so far, I’ve won already.
Click the link to the right for one of the vertical jump training manuals on the market today.
However, from September of 2007 until the present I have been training, using plyometrics and resistance training and I shoot baskets, playing pick-up games whenever I can. Despite, job loss and eviction, I have continued. While my job searches have been fruitless, I have continued to take care of my health, and I have not abandoned my goal of dunking a basketball from a vertical jump. I’ve combed the Internet for articles and workout tips and exercise regimes for improving my vertical jump. I purchased two products from Lifeline USA that have helped me to improve my body and my vertical jump. I exercised daily, and in December of 2009 I began using The Jump Manual training method by Jacob Hiller and Dr. Larry Van Such’s Isometric training method called Jump Higher with Isometric Training. In the interim, I’ve relocated to the state of Maryland and was formerly a resident of the state of Michigan. Between the resistance systems I purchased from Lifeline USA, Bell Sporting Goods, and the two manuals, (along with training, reasonable eating, supplementation, and rest), my body has grown stronger, leaner, and I’m able to jump higher. I’ve even learned how to perform knee jumps and can now perform a knee jump onto a 5 inch medicine ball. With each day, I feel greater motivation to exercise. I’d hoped to reach my goal by the summer of 2008, to celebrate my 40th birthday, but when I started I couldn’t jump 4 inches from the floor. Today, I can, from a standing position jump and reach the middle of the net on a regulation basket. With a couple of steps, I can almost reach the rim.
Since I moved here to Maryland, I began resistance training including simulated weightlifting and dumbbell exercises along with sit-ups, leg lifts, and crunches. I feel and look stronger without bulking up. I have always been able to gain weight, whether from exercise or from merely eating too much of the wrong things. I was 190 lbs when I arrived here, and I think that I’ve gained 20 lbs. since then. I’m not upset though because all of my slacks and jeans fit me just as they had when I arrived. When I started losing weight, my waist size was about 50 and as I’m writing, I am wearing a pair of 38 jeans comfortably, with a bulky sweatshirt tucked into them. So, I feel great. I’ve also found a new love and a new job.
Honestly, I don’t know if I’ll ever dunk that basketball or not, but I feel that because I’ve overcome as much as I have so far, I’ve won already.
Click the link to the right for one of the vertical jump training manuals on the market today.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Overcoming the Hurdle of Business Planning, part 2
Here is a sample of the simple version of a business plan. I later learned that http://www.miniplan.com has some problems with it. Specifically, the site won't allow you to email your business plan results to yourself. So, I registered my Business Plan Pro 7.0 software again, and I completed a simplified version of a business plan. It entitled, 'Business Plan for Allamericanmedsplus.com.'
The first step is to create an executive summary. This gives a short biography of your company, when it was founded, it's material goals, keys to success, and overall goals (mission). The keys to success are important because it gives yourself and any other person reading the plan a general idea of how you intend to succeed. Here is an example.
Executive Summary
Allamericanmedsplus.com was formed in December of 2007. It is actually a subsidiary of a larger company called American Web Tech. The goal of allamericanmedsplus.com is to provide medication, both prescription and non-prescription, at a discount to all consumers. Allamericanmedsplus.com also sells pet medications, beauty supplies, wholistic products, and nutritional supplement including vitamins.
Objectives
1. Sales of $30,000 in 2009.
2. Gross margin of 80%.
3. By 2011, we hope to net at 10% of our gross sales.
Keys to Success
Our keys to success are: 1. Identify those people who need our products by using basic online resources such as Facebook, Twitter, etc. to attract customers; 2. Use such basic resources to advertise; and 3. Use capital obtained via sales, grants, etc. to purchase mass email lists and other forms of proven, effective internet marketing to increase the number of customers.
Mission
Our mission at allamericanmedsplus.com is to satisfy the customer by providing him or her with the medicines that he or she needs. We believe that we can serve the customer best by providing and delivering such products to our customer. Allamericanmedsplus.com is a company that hopes to help the underinsured and uninsured by offering them inexpensive medicine while offering them the option of purchasing brand name or generic brands.
The next step is to provide a basic market analysis. The purpose of this is to show the reader to whom you intend to sell your product. This applies to service businesses as well as service agencies. Below is a simple example of a basic market analysis.
Market Analysis
Our target customer will include college-aged students, entrepreneurs (who are self-insured), retirees (who are receiving Medicare/Medicaid or AARP discount), and retail workers (who may be underinsured).
With this analysis, you need to include a basic market analysis chart. The one that appears here contains numbers that are based on a population total of 100,000 people.
Market Analysis Table
Market Analysis
Potential Customers Growth 2009 2010 2011 2012 2013 CAGR
College Students 40% 40,000 56,000 78,400 109,760 153,664 40.00%
Retirees 5% 5,000 5,250 5,513 5,789 6,078 5.00%
Entrepreneurs 30% 30,000 39,000 50,700 65,910 85,683 30.00%
Retail Workers 25% 25,000 31,250 39,063 48,829 61,036 25.00%
Total 34.50% 75,000 100,250 134,613 181,459 245,425 34.50%
The next step is to create a break-even analysis. This gives the reader a general idea of when the business will finally have reached the point that its revenue is able to match its costs. This is an example of such an analysis.
Break Even Analysis:
Monthly Units Break-even 19
Monthly Sales Break-even $1,519
Assumptions:
Average Per-Unit Revenue $80.00
Average Per-Unit Variable Cost $1.00
Estimated Monthly Fixed Cost $1,500
Basically, this means that allamericanmedsplus.com will have to sell 19 units per month in order break even each month. In the chart below, the numbers in parentheses represent negative numbers.
Break-Even Chart
Units Sales Profits
0 $0 ($1,500)
3 $240 ($1,263)
6 $480 ($1,026)
9 $720 ($789)
12 $960 ($552)
15 $1,200 ($315)
18 $1,440 ($78)
21 $1,680 $159
24 $1,920 $396
27 $2,160 $633
30 $2,400 $870
33 $2,640 $1,107
Once you've done this, you've created a basic business plan.
The first step is to create an executive summary. This gives a short biography of your company, when it was founded, it's material goals, keys to success, and overall goals (mission). The keys to success are important because it gives yourself and any other person reading the plan a general idea of how you intend to succeed. Here is an example.
Executive Summary
Allamericanmedsplus.com was formed in December of 2007. It is actually a subsidiary of a larger company called American Web Tech. The goal of allamericanmedsplus.com is to provide medication, both prescription and non-prescription, at a discount to all consumers. Allamericanmedsplus.com also sells pet medications, beauty supplies, wholistic products, and nutritional supplement including vitamins.
Objectives
1. Sales of $30,000 in 2009.
2. Gross margin of 80%.
3. By 2011, we hope to net at 10% of our gross sales.
Keys to Success
Our keys to success are: 1. Identify those people who need our products by using basic online resources such as Facebook, Twitter, etc. to attract customers; 2. Use such basic resources to advertise; and 3. Use capital obtained via sales, grants, etc. to purchase mass email lists and other forms of proven, effective internet marketing to increase the number of customers.
Mission
Our mission at allamericanmedsplus.com is to satisfy the customer by providing him or her with the medicines that he or she needs. We believe that we can serve the customer best by providing and delivering such products to our customer. Allamericanmedsplus.com is a company that hopes to help the underinsured and uninsured by offering them inexpensive medicine while offering them the option of purchasing brand name or generic brands.
The next step is to provide a basic market analysis. The purpose of this is to show the reader to whom you intend to sell your product. This applies to service businesses as well as service agencies. Below is a simple example of a basic market analysis.
Market Analysis
Our target customer will include college-aged students, entrepreneurs (who are self-insured), retirees (who are receiving Medicare/Medicaid or AARP discount), and retail workers (who may be underinsured).
With this analysis, you need to include a basic market analysis chart. The one that appears here contains numbers that are based on a population total of 100,000 people.
Market Analysis Table
Market Analysis
Potential Customers Growth 2009 2010 2011 2012 2013 CAGR
College Students 40% 40,000 56,000 78,400 109,760 153,664 40.00%
Retirees 5% 5,000 5,250 5,513 5,789 6,078 5.00%
Entrepreneurs 30% 30,000 39,000 50,700 65,910 85,683 30.00%
Retail Workers 25% 25,000 31,250 39,063 48,829 61,036 25.00%
Total 34.50% 75,000 100,250 134,613 181,459 245,425 34.50%
The next step is to create a break-even analysis. This gives the reader a general idea of when the business will finally have reached the point that its revenue is able to match its costs. This is an example of such an analysis.
Break Even Analysis:
Monthly Units Break-even 19
Monthly Sales Break-even $1,519
Assumptions:
Average Per-Unit Revenue $80.00
Average Per-Unit Variable Cost $1.00
Estimated Monthly Fixed Cost $1,500
Basically, this means that allamericanmedsplus.com will have to sell 19 units per month in order break even each month. In the chart below, the numbers in parentheses represent negative numbers.
Break-Even Chart
Units Sales Profits
0 $0 ($1,500)
3 $240 ($1,263)
6 $480 ($1,026)
9 $720 ($789)
12 $960 ($552)
15 $1,200 ($315)
18 $1,440 ($78)
21 $1,680 $159
24 $1,920 $396
27 $2,160 $633
30 $2,400 $870
33 $2,640 $1,107
Once you've done this, you've created a basic business plan.
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